Kenny v Cowen heats up

Speaking at FG’s ardfheis at Citywest over the weekend party leader Enda Kenny had the following to say:

“I want to speak to you about my optimism for our people, about my confidence in the advantages we have and about my belief that with courage, fairness and decisiveness, we can point the way ahead to a new future, a fairer Ireland and a truly just society….I believe that Ireland can recover fully from this recession inside five years.’

‘These are our targets:
1. Create 100,000 new jobs by the end of 2013
2. Return the public finances to stability by 2012 – without increasing the standard and current top rates of income tax
3. Deliver a radical plan for renewable energy – pumped storage, wind, wave and biomass – that will meet a quarter of our energy needs by 2015, and make us net exporters of energy within 10 years.
4. Transform our education system so that 9 out of 10 children complete secondary school by 2013 and two thirds go onto third level.
5. Restore Ireland to the top five most competitive countries in the world within three years.
6. To continue to support the Lisbon Treaty.'



Taoiseach Brian Cowen, speaking at his own party’s conference (also in Citywest) on 1 March spelled out his take on the Ireland of the near future:

“I believe, and my government believes, that Ireland can recover fully from this recession inside of five years. We have six targets.
1. Create 100,000 new jobs by the end of 2013
2. Return the public finances to stability by 2012
3. Deliver a radical plan for renewable energy.
4. More of the same successful formula for our education system.
5. Restore Ireland to the top 5 most competitive countries in the world within three years.
6. To continue to support the Lisbon Treaty."

Dail reconvenes after 40-day fast

The Dail reconvened today after a 40 day holiday period. Business commenced with a very welcome piece of news from the Taoiseach. Mr Cowen pledged the establishment of a special Task Force on Indecision.

The Task Force will investigate whether or not the current government is ‘floundering’ in the face of the economic crisis and report back to an Ombudsman for Decisiveness, a role that is shortly to be filled on the Taoiseach’s nomination.

Mr Cowen moved swiftly to deny that he had any problems with democratic accountability. ‘No, I have no problem with democratic accountability,’ he said, before qualifying: ‘but as long as I am running this Government I will run it as I see fit, as I believe, based on my philosophy.’

The Taoiseach spared the House an explanation of his philosophy, but he is widely understood to be a pragmatist of the William James school.

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Minister for the Environment John Gormley spoke next. He had intended to phase out incandescent light bulbs from June this year, but has decided not proceed with the measure until September, when the EU will require us to do so.

‘The EU plan is more ambitious,’ Mr Gormley told the House. ‘There’s not much point in passing legislation now if the EU was going to require us to do so in the near future.’

Last week Mr Gormley refuted claims by resigning Green councilor Bronwyn Maher that the Green party was ‘only implementing EU policy.’

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Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith told the House that as much as €400 million could be saved if farmers were to take the ‘mature, patriotic and courageous’ decision not to claim the repayments owed to them by the Government for the successful Farm Waste Management plan.
Members of the FF party pressed the Taoiseach to give a ‘state of the nation’ address to the country but he just smiled.

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Shortly after 11 o’ clock positive news from Kerry trickled into Leinster House. A pub and shop owned by Páidí Ó Sé was unanimously rezoned by Kerry County Council. The pub and shop are now a village. Up until now the land had been a prime special amenity, a designation that scenic landscapes receive. Mr Ó Sé will now be able to build a sports interpretative centre and a commercial residential development for the citizens of his premises. A ripple of nostalgia touched the Fianna Fail parliamentary party.

Mr Ó Sé was made president of Bord Failte ‘because he is my friend,’ former Taoiseach Bertie Ahern emphasized at the time.

An Post attacks the leadership

An Post has launched a stinging attack on the Cowen Government with the release of a new stamp commemorating Louis Braille.

Chairman of An Post, John Fitzgerald, who was appointed in the dying days of the Ahern era, said yesterday: ‘We already launched a Braille commemoration stamp in 2006 so strictly, there’s no need for another one. But the symbolism of the blind leading the blind was too great to pass over.’

‘Louis Braille was a unique example of a blind person leading the blind and making a success of it,’ he continued. ‘The Taoiseach is at the other end of that scale, and seems to be leading us into the ditch.’

Braille lost his sight at the age of three and from his early teenage years began developing the system of reading and writing for the blind and visually impaired that is used today.

Cowen – Lenihan rift continues

‘We live in an island and people will make their choices,’ Mr Cowen said yesterday. He was speaking about citizens of the Republic shopping in the North, a phenomenon that continues to undermine jobs in this jurisdiction. Insiders have interpreted this as a coded attack on Finance Minister Brian Lenihan, who referred to cross-border shopping as ‘unpatriotic.’

The two are said to be deeply divided on the economy. Mr Cowen has suggested that ‘something must be done to tackle the economic downturn’ while Mr Lenihan claimed this week on BBC’s Newsnight that Ireland has a ‘thriving’ economy.

The Government was to meet the social partners for talks on the proposed €2bn talks yesterday, but neither Mr Cowen nor any of his Ministers turned up. Instead, the talks, which featured no proposals, were chaired by Dermot McCarthy, secretary general to the Government. Mr David Begg was ‘surprised’ that there was ‘nothing very, very deep’ on the table.

Even insiders are unclear as to why crucial talks are being chaired in the absence of Government Ministers, and why the deadline for progress has been moved from this Tuesday to ‘the end of the month.’

Ireland to seek divorce

Ireland looks set to issue proceedings for a divorce from the Fianna Fail party, sources close to Ireland have said.

The two parties met in 1926 and were married in 1932. Over the course of their 77 year relationship both parties expressed mutual satisfaction with their arrangement on numerous occasions. FF has been happy at all times. Ireland’s fidelity however, did waver on at least five occasions, but these dalliances never seemed likely to lead to a permanent break. FF always turned a blind eye to them.

In recent months, however, the relationship has turned sour. Ireland has become abusive towards FF, openly disavows it, and claims that it wishes to begin a new relationship with another party at the earliest possible date. FF has become frightened and confused, and sometimes feels as though the past 77 years are about to be cast aside in a fit of blind anger.

Sources close to the applicant say that Ireland is seeking a comprehensive series of orders. The courts will have to decide whether adequate and reasonable provision can be made for a transfer of maintenance to the FG party, and whether it is ‘cogent and rational’ to direct FF to transfer its interest in Power to the FG party. FF has traditionally been against divorce on personal grounds and denies it is an unfit spouse. FF is demanding that before Ireland brings the action she enter reconciliation discussions and come to mediation as positively as possible.

Taoiseach to rezone Ireland

‘Rezoning brought tremendous wealth to a small amount of people in the 1980s. What we need to do is extend that now to a much wider base. Over the coming four months the Government is proposing its most radical plan to date. A month at a time, we are going to rezone Ireland, province by province. By the end of May, our citizens will be sitting on land whose value has not only doubled – bucking a world trend – but trebled, and in some cases quadrupled.’

‘If the plan is successful – and we are sure it will be – the proposed €2bn cut in State expenditure will not be necessary. FF has rezoned before with great success. Now it is time to rezone again. Seasaimis i dteannta a chéile.….’

Smart Government

Following the success of the Cabinet meeting which okayed the nationalisation of Anglo Irish Bank, a meeting which was led by the Taoiseach from Japan, the Government has decided to conduct all future business by telephone.

If the plan goes well, Mr Cowen plans to extend it to the Dail chamber.

‘Deputies have a heavy workload, particularly in these difficult economic times. The fact that they have to spend two and a half, sometimes three, days in Leinster House slows things down more than you can imagine. The move is also energy efficient, which is so important to our Coalition partners,’ the Taoiseach said. ‘The use of telephones will enable us to save petrol by remaining in our constituencies. Also, Leinster House is a fierce place to heat.'

Already there has been some opposition. Laois-Offaly constituency colleague and Minister of State in the Department of Health, John Maloney, believes there is something more to the new proposal.

‘I don’t want to sound disloyal or anything, but no-one knows what’s gone wrong with him,’ said Mr Maloney. ‘This is not the man we know.' Maloney fears that the Taoiseach may have in fact mirrored developments in the world economy by falling into a depression himself.

'He was never one for taking things lying down,' explained Mr Maloney. 'He’d never back off or allow people to say something like ‘he’s not up to it’. Now he’s lying down all the time, and slurring his words.'

Backbenchers fear that if the telephone plan is successful, as it undoubtedly was in Japan, Mr Cowen might cease making public appearances.

Minister John Gormley said: The Green party backs this measure all the way. We are on message with the Taoiseach and keenly look forward to implementing this radically new smart proposal. Telephones have served us well in the past, and they will serve us well in the future.'

The brightness that was before

The Taoiseach today told the Dáil that the Government is:

Considering all options on Irish banks
Wants to minimise the exposure of the taxpayer.
Has received a report from PricewaterhouseCoopers.

The report said:

The 6 banks covered by the State guarantee scheme had more capital than required by the regulator on September 30 when the scheme was announced.
The banks will have enough capital until 2011.

What does this mean? The Taoiseach trenchantly reaffirmed in the Dáil that he is unsure. But he is sure of the following:

The banks’ capital is diminished.
Irish banks need a lot of capital.
If they don’t get it, they will have to reduce their loan books.
Unless the banks’ loan books are big the economy will be crushed.
Businesses will be starved.
And Ireland shall become heaps,
A dwellingplace for dragons,
An astonishment,
And a hissing
Without an inhabitant.

Recapitalisation is not a panacea, said Mr Cowen, though he conceeded that the brightness that was before is now a thick cloud.

Fine Gael leader Enda Kenny launched a blistering attack on Moloch, the near eastern deity that requires costly sacrifices:

‘Moloch whose mind is pure machinery,’ said Mr Kenny. ‘Moloch whose love is endless oil and stone. Moloch whose soul is electricity and banks. Moloch in whom we sit lonely.’

In response to this unprecedented criticism Mr Cowen could only say ‘international market expectations in relation to capital levels in the banking sector have altered and meeting these expectations may be challenging.’

Government to bail itself out

In a spectacular turn around Taoiseach Brian Cowen has sided with public opinion on the over-70s medical card issue.

‘I am now convinced there should be an automatic entitlement to everything,’ he said earlier today.

‘We are a country that needed to borrow €12 billion to enable us to live within our means. And yet we were able, as a Government, to guarantee bank assets to the tune of €485b. It didn’t seem to add up. So I said to Brian [Lenihan], why don’t we bail ourselves out? Initially taken aback, within minutes he was on board. It is a bold idea, one that will cause ripples with our European partners, but it is no bolder, and no more improbable that the banks’ bail-out.’

‘I want to be clear on this: Tuesday’s Budget is now cancelled in its entirety. The 1% income levy on gross incomes up to €100,000 and all the wealth taxes. The 8% increase in tax on the litre of petrol. The €200 charge on all non-principal private residences. And, of course, the means test for the over-70s medical card. The status quo ante Tuesday returns.’

‘Secondly I want to announce that the 2007 Programme for Government targets will nonetheless be reached. We will continue to roll out infrastructure nationwide, deliver a fully modern, patient-centred health service, maintain our troops in Camp Ciara in Chad, and we will even, can I add, continue our efforts to cut carbon emissions and implement a 40% use of renewable energy in all state bodies by 2020.’

‘No Government in our history has attempted such a measure. But these are difficult times, and tough times are bad enough without me asking you to make sacrifices.’

Could we set up a process?

Besieged from all sides, Taoiseach Brian Cowen uttered a passionate, visionary cry on RTÉ's This Week radio programme this afternoon.

‘The present proposal as we enunciated it clearly is not ultimately the proposal that will be decided upon because it does not merit or have the wider public acceptance that it would need to have and I'm addressing those concerns and I think that those that have concerns can be assured of that,’ Mr Cowen said.

‘At least one centre of excellence’

Tullamore’s new hospital was praised yesterday as ‘state of the art and top of the range, like’ by staff members.

The building has been kitted out with ‘nothing but the best,’ a move that is seen by locals as a veiled apology by the Taoiseach for his tenure as Minister for Health from 1997 – 2000.

Unfortunately the new complex is ‘teeming with infections’ owing to the poor hygiene of the toilets and a reluctance of staff and public alike to wash their hands.

Fine Gael’s Alan Shatter has called on Mr Cowen to replace the ‘as many staff as possible with nuns.’

Across the nation, problems of hygiene bedevil the health system, an infestation of bed bugs at Listowel Community Hospital, Co Kerry, being only the latest example.

New Galway water alert

For the second time in less that eighteen months Galway’s water supply could be contaminated. Taoiseach Brian Cowen has conceded that this is a deliberate Government policy.

‘Basically, we didn’t want another Cork on our hands. Galway has been getting a little too confident recently, particularly with its Arts Festival going from strength to strength. Cork is unbearable, and we can’t have that replicated in another part of the country.’

‘Last year, we let the cryptosporidium parasite loose. This year we’re warning people of lead poisoning, so it’s subtler. You don’t know for sure whether you should be on your guard. Is it okay to brush my teeth or not? And of course, boiling water won’t remove lead. Locals simply have to ask themselves that age old question: do I feel lucky?’

‘If we’re still concerned about the city's confidence levels after this people can expect a bout of E coli in the next six to twelve months.’

Fukuda urges Cowen to follow

In a move that came as a blow to Taoiseach Brian Cowen, the Japanese PM tendered his resignation last night.

Mr Cowen has often been compared to Mr Fakuda (72). Both men took over just as the fortunes of their countries began to wane, and both men were cursed with more popular predecessors.

Mr Ahern and Junichiro Koizumi were both credited with the expansion of their countries' economies.

The seventy-two year old was very critical of the amount of ‘confusion’ that obtained during his brief stint - a statement that seems all too similar to our post-Ahern plight. ‘It is a fact that it took very long to decide on anything,’ Mr Fakuda said. He urged Cowen to follow his lead.

Mr Taro Aso, a conservative sixty-seven year old man, is expected to take the reins.

This time last year

This time last year the Sunday Independent ran a headline story: 'Cowen still secluded in Algarve on a long weekend break as crisis looms over economy.'

There were 'growing concerns at the rapid deterioration of the economy...mounting calls last night for his return...market turmoil, record high unemployment' and 'housing completion drop by 25%.'

A year on the Sunday Independent's headline was 'Cabinet goes on holidays as crisis worsens.'

Last year Richard Bruton said Mr Cowen's was a ‘cavalier attitude’. This year the Fine Gael finance spokesman said: 'What we are seeing is the latest thread of economic policy unravelling as a result of four years of soft option decision- making by Brian Cowen and the Department of Finance.' In 1998 Mr Bruton made the following remarks: 'FF is repeatedly taking the soft option.'

A secretary to Mr Fanning said: 'The summer crisis-Cabinet on holidays story is an annual - and immensely popular - one, run between the Galway races and the second week in August. This has been the case since 1986.'

Derailed talks deal Cowen a crushing blow

Taoiseach Brian Cowen was dealt another crushing blow this weekend following the collapse of talks with former Uachtarán Fianna Fail Bertie Ahern.

Mr Cowen, who had travelled to Fagan’s for the encounter, was trying to negotiate a return to power for the Drumcondraman. Talks broke down before closing time last night.

Mr Ahern initially seemed amenable to the idea of turning back the clock, and was particularly confident of his abilities to swing a yes vote in next February’s rerun of the Lisbon referendum, and to save the National Pay Talks.

But sources close to Mr Cowen say negotiations floundered when Mr Ahern insisted on a booming economy before he would retake the reigns. This was Mr Ahern’s only sine qua non.

The Taoiseach was taken aback by Mr Ahern’s doggedness on this issue, and is said to have met the request with repeated silences.

‘Unless the impasse is resolved, social partnership will be a thing of the past,’ said Labour leader Eamonn Gilmore. ‘We need Ahern at this crucial time. If he were to return, I can guarantee the Labour party - and I think i can say the Mulligar Entente - won't mention the 't' word.’

Fine Gael finance spokesman Richard Bruton said failure was ‘indicative of Brian Cowen.’

Steve Staunton blamed for Lisbon failure

This week Fine Gael’s Maurice Hayes cut short attempts to scapegoat the Forum on Europe, which he chaired, for the Lisbon referendum result. The result is commonly referred to in political circles as ‘a failure.’

‘I wasn’t aware we were supposed to make up for the deficiencies of the education system,’ he said. The comment slipped under the No campaigners’ radar.

Meanwhile, relaxing in Tullamore’s Bridge House Hotel late last night, Taoiseach Brian Cowen confided his preferred scapegoat to barstaff.

‘I trusted Staunton to bring us to the Euros. You can do anything when the soccer’s on,’ he explained.

Two lounge-boys wiped tables and collected glasses in the vicinity as Mr Cowen continued:

‘Nice was rejected in June 2001. But then you had World Cup 2002. People were wetting their pants with anticipation. Sure they even voted us back in in May. We only got to the second round but the feelgood factor lasted till October, when we hit you with Nice Two.’

‘There was nothing like that this time around. My coming to power was good. All the photographs and handshakes. But it was no Saipan…’

FF unveils ‘slightly’ rebranded name

Dermot Ahern was blaming the silly season. ‘It’s nothing. The media, as it does at this time every year, is trying its best to make a story out of nothing.’

But Enda Kenny was having none of it. ‘It’s a disgrace. It’s worse than the future of Zimbabwe,’ he said. Labour leader Eamon Gilmore drew comparisons with the most well-known Asian dictatorships.

FF’s decision to change its moniker from 'the republican party' to FF – the Permanent Party of Government has opposition parties fuming, but as usual, the public seems unconcerned.

Sitting in his constituency office on William Street, Tullamore the Taoiseach was critical of criticism: ‘It’s nothing new,’ said Mr Cowen. ‘It’s simply a recognition of something longstanding.’