Government to bail itself out

In a spectacular turn around Taoiseach Brian Cowen has sided with public opinion on the over-70s medical card issue.

‘I am now convinced there should be an automatic entitlement to everything,’ he said earlier today.

‘We are a country that needed to borrow €12 billion to enable us to live within our means. And yet we were able, as a Government, to guarantee bank assets to the tune of €485b. It didn’t seem to add up. So I said to Brian [Lenihan], why don’t we bail ourselves out? Initially taken aback, within minutes he was on board. It is a bold idea, one that will cause ripples with our European partners, but it is no bolder, and no more improbable that the banks’ bail-out.’

‘I want to be clear on this: Tuesday’s Budget is now cancelled in its entirety. The 1% income levy on gross incomes up to €100,000 and all the wealth taxes. The 8% increase in tax on the litre of petrol. The €200 charge on all non-principal private residences. And, of course, the means test for the over-70s medical card. The status quo ante Tuesday returns.’

‘Secondly I want to announce that the 2007 Programme for Government targets will nonetheless be reached. We will continue to roll out infrastructure nationwide, deliver a fully modern, patient-centred health service, maintain our troops in Camp Ciara in Chad, and we will even, can I add, continue our efforts to cut carbon emissions and implement a 40% use of renewable energy in all state bodies by 2020.’

‘No Government in our history has attempted such a measure. But these are difficult times, and tough times are bad enough without me asking you to make sacrifices.’