War on Climate Change in jeopardy

France, Germany and Austria are seeking to downsize ambitions to reduce consumption of fossil fuels and curb carbon dioxide emissions.

‘They’re doing this in the name of caution, but we are surrounded by a deadly web of climate change that will lead to droughts, floods and rising sea levels if not checked immediately,’ said Luxembourg lawmaker Claude Turmes.

A failure to tackle climate change head on will result in a ‘bottomless pit,’ according to John Gibbons of climatechange.ie. ‘And out of the pit will arise smoke, like the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air will be darkened by reason of the smoke from the pit. And out of the smoke will come locusts, and unto them will be given power. And in those days men shall seek death, and shall not find it.’

The European Union had planned to cut carbon dioxide emissions by a fifth by 2020.

Eastern European states, still economically far behind their western counterparts, have been reluctant to put the breaks on their expansion. If they do not, France, Germany, Austria and others fear they will look like schnooks by adhering to the rules.

Minister for the Environment John Gormley, who today launched a consultation paper on removing inefficient light bulbs from the Irish market, is critical of France, Germany, Austria.

‘The world is a lot like a light bulb,’ he said. ‘It can be switched on as well as off. It can be efficient as well as inefficient.’

Since becoming Party leader, Mr Gormley has toured the country advocating a remission of carbon sins, encouraging penitent travellers to contribute money to offset their carbon credits. To this aim, he has composed a charming ditty:

‘As soon as a coin in the coffer rings
your carbon footprint from purgatory springs.’

Next year Mr Gormley is to announce a jubilee indulgence, with all proceeds going to the construction of wind turbines, the funding of low-energy lightbulbs, the development of low-energy electricity and the cultivation of sustainable vegetables.

In the face of pressure from other EU states the Minister for the Environment has pledged to jealously guard Ireland's carbon neutrality.