John O Shea on the Olympics

The first of Jizzwaxrainbow's sixty second interviews is with Goal chief executive John O Shea:

- Which do you prefer, rural or urban poverty?

- At the moment defintely rural.

- If you had to choose between helping the poor, the very poor, and the poorest of the poor, who would you choose?

- The poorest of the poor every time.

- Why do you think Minister Martin Cullen’s attendence at the Olympics is deplorable?

- Because the Chinese commit human rights abuses, particularly in Tibet, which is more evocative than its abuses in lesser known provinces.

- And where would you host the Olympics instead?

- Well I think we have to rule out a lot of places, but Ireland would be an obvious choice, though we don’t have the resources. Iceland is unsullied with human rights abuses, but it is rather small, and Finland can be quite dark. Ideally, the Olympics would be held in small countries oppressed by poverty, with the rich, tainted nations funding the whole enterprise. Until then, I think it should be held in Canada.

Obama pledges more alliteration in War on Poverty

Tiergarten park, Berlin – Democratic nominee Barack Obama pledged more hope and handshaking, lovingkindness and leaflets for America’s poor if elected to office this November.

‘My heart is glad, and my flesh rests in hope,’ America’s premier orator told Berliners. ‘The sorrows of the poor shall be multiplied no more.’

Mr Obama continued: ‘It is an ineludible truth that the defeat of inertia is inestimable.’

If elected president, he could assure his fellow Americans, together with the people of the world, that his administration would feature ‘less provocation and more proximation, fewer promises and more profusion, profundity, progress and peace.’

These last remarks have led some supporters to hail Mr Obama as the first presidential candidate to lauch a War on War.

Mr Obama was speaking in front of the attractive Siegessaeule, or Victory Column, a 70 meter high monument that celebrates Prussia’s speedy obliteration of the Danish, Austrian and French armies between 1864 and 1870.