Sarkozy Upsetia

Russian President Dmitri Medvedev was treated to four hours with Nicolas Sarkozy this weekend.

Russia’s war with Georgia began on August 7 and lasted five days. While admitting that it was ‘no six day war’ Mr Medvedev says troops still deserve to stay on a little while and relax, as the Israelis did in the Golan Heights and the Sinai Peninsula.

The war has been painful for Moscow – Stalin was a Georgian and his father an Ossetian shoe maker.

The Russian recognition of the break-away province – described by Mr Medvedev as ‘an irreversible choice, an irrevocable decision’ – has much to do with this connection, say psychoanalysts.

For a full three and a half hours the French President tried to secure a peace agreement photo opportunity that would satisfy all sides. His efforts came to nothing.

Mr Medvedev did however agree to allow 200 observers from the European Union to monitor the conflict from mid-October onwards. 'Monitor away,' the Russian leader said.

Ireland is not expected to be part of this project, though the observation of things in foreign places by our armed forces does not compromise Irish neutrality.

‘Yeesh, you Westerners,' said an exasperated Dmitri Rogozin, Russia’s envoy to NATO. 'Give me China any day.'

350,000 litres of rainwater flooded the Russian Orthodox Church in Harold’s Cross, Dublin, last Friday. Mr Medvedev was unreceptive to M. Sarkozy’s suggestion that this could be construed as retribution for Russian aggression in Georgia. No Catholic buildings were inundated.

Sarko bothered & bewildered by Irish

What part of You Must Vote Again don’t you understand? asked a baffled Nicolas Sarkozy at Government Buildings this week.

‘There's no reason to be angry when you say to a nation that at some stage or another, you will have to be consulted. In a democracy that's the very least one can do.

I believe that in a democracy you have to keep consulting the people. You have to constantly ask them – what do you think about this now? People change their minds all the time. If that makes some groups angry then I’m sorry, but that’s democracy. And I take my hat off to the Greeks for coming up with it.’

‘Ireland is passionate about Europe, Ireland has not rejected Europe,’ Mr Sarkozy added.

‘I do not regret for one second having come over. I’m just sorry I missed lunch and am leaving before dinner. I hear Irish cuisine is really tops. I want to express to Brian [Cowen] my feelings of friendship, confidence and support in finding a way out of the situation that Ganley, apathy, ignorance and ingratitude have landed us in.’

Sarko woos Hennessy

Irish Times political correspondent Mark Hennessy was flushed with admiration for French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who spent the best part of an afternoon in Ireland this Monday.

A seasoned analyst, Hennessy was well aware Mr Sarkozy has a reputation for impatience, self-obsession and savage bluntness, but the pol cor counted himself among the ‘dazzled’ after the president’s five hour visit.

‘Sarkozy is a consummate performer,’ Hennessy revealed. ‘He came, he saw, he wriggled away in the best political style.’ Hennessy was particularly struck by his physical resemblance to France’s number one. ‘We’re roughly the same height and build,’ he told readers, ‘though he’s a little broader than I am.’

The Sarkozy effect was all the more startling considering the hackles he raised in the lead-up to his visit, but Carla’s other half displayed great sphingerie à petit pas. ‘In Irish, it would be called plámás,’ Hennessy said. ‘In any language, it appears to have been effective.’