'Absolutely no need,’ insists Gormley

‘We don’t need the Greens,’ insisted Minister for the Environment John Gormley earlier today.

‘Mary Harney has retained the Ministry of Health despite the fact that her party voted itself out of existence. Indeed, she was instrumental in that decision. So, frankly, the Greens can resign as much as they want – we’re staying here.’

The statement was a reaction to the resignation of Councillors Chris O'Leary and Bronwen Maher.

Ms Maher, in an open letter to the party leader today, said that the Greens had betrayed their oringinal position on the Poolbeg incinerator, the M3 and Tara, the Shannon stop-over & the Corrib gas project.

She also criticised the failure to introduce a carbon levy, prevent the cut-backs in the Equality Authority & prevent the withdrawal of vaccines for women.

‘All we’re doing is implementing EU policy that would be implemented anyway,’ she said.

Gormley announces passport plan for Woeser

John Gormley, still fuming over China’s human rights abuses, has asked colleague Michael Martin to grant Tibetan poet and blogger Woeser an Irish passport.

China has long been a thorn in Mr Gormley’s side. At the Green Party conference this April the party leader spent 52 words of a 2,998 word speech castigating the Chinese government for its mistreatment of Tibet.

‘It was a real cri de coeur from John,’ said a Green party spokesman. ‘If Patrick Hillary hadn’t died that day, I think more people would have picked up on what he said, and the Chinese Government would have been made take those remarks more seriously. But there you go, people get distracted.’

Bureaucrats in Beijing have ignored Woeser’s application for a passport since 2003. ‘She’s very negative,’ said President Hu Jintao. ‘Always complaining about Tibet and a litany of other things that’d put years on you.’

Mr Gormley thinks that if the Irish government could issue a passport it would go some way to showing China that the Green Party means business.

Minister Martin is currently visiting a soccer camp for Israeli and Palestinian children funded by the Irish Government and is expected to address the issue when he returns.

Meanwhile, Mr Gormley is said have fallen into a rage when he heard of the Government decision to send Martin Cullen as official representative to the Olympics. Aides were frightened as Mr Gormley fell silent before snapping a pencil in two with his hands and flinging the pieces from his Custom House window.