Alcohol subsidy for Irish speakers

The Minister for Community, Rural and Gaeltacht Affairs, Éamon Ó Cuív, has unveiled a controversial new carrot for Irish speakers.

Mr Ó Cuív has announced subsidies of 50% on pints – provided Irish is spoken when drinking. The subsidy applies across the republic and will not discriminate against Gaeltacht areas.

To avail of the subsidy, however, drinkers must also switch to the as yet little known O Hara’s Stout.

‘This is because I’m not going to subsidise Diageo or any of the other merger and acquisitioners,’ the Minister said. ‘The O Hara brand is run by a few lads in Carlow. They’re the only ones left brewing in Ireland who are Irish owned and run. Even Beamish is gone. It’s a small outfit, but they’ve assured me they can brew more than enough to keep us going.’

Cabinet colleagues were taken aback at Mr Ó Cuív plans for financing the scheme, but his persuasiveness and clarity won the day.

He explained: ‘The EU made Irish the 23rd working language of the Union eighteen months ago, at a cost of €3.5m a year. But is anyone reading all that Brusselocracy as Gaeilge? No. Could that money be better spent? Yes. So I said, ditch Irish as a working language but continue to make the cash available to the cause. And they agreed. So the alcohol subsidies won’t cost the state a thing – at least in the early stages.’

The Irish Vintners Association welcomed the Minister’s initiative. It is hoped the scheme will give struggling pubs a welcome fillip.

If the programme goes well the Minister is expected to extend the idea to public transport, the health service and perhaps even the construction industry.

According to the 2002 census 40% of Irish people can speak Irish.